From the mind of a marathon man

26.2 miles in the mouse house, and I guess I feel pretty good about the outcome. I wanted to have a 4 hour finish time, but with 3 hours of sleep and a record high temps for January, I'll take a 4:18:34.
Out of the 1,126 runners in my age group (40-44).... (I'm closer to the 44 then the 40), I finished at 313. I don't know how many runners actually ran the race, but 16,000 signed up and I think I heard the real number was about 12,000. So of the 12,000, I came in at 2,034 overall.... I had no idea that when I finished that there were 10,000 runners behind me, because as you read this you'll find out I started out in last place.

I will give a mile by mile account of my thoughts, the only words I said for four hours eighteen minutes and thirty four seconds was "thank you" to the volunteers when they gave me water and "hi" to a guy I saw that runs at the track on Thursday. So before you think I'm rude, these are just my thoughts..... Didn't yell at anybody..... But I thought it..... a lot. I won't tell you which Ron was talking but you can figure that out.... With all that being said, here we go.

4:45 am(standing in line at the portapotty) I wish this line would go faster..... What is he doing in there?.... Come on buddy..
... Thank you, bout time... (Finished in portapotty, turn around get back in line for the portapotty).... good move getting back in line, you know you'll have to go again..... What is she doing in there? (5:15 am, make an announcement for runners to report to the starting line)... Lets go people, got a race to run!.... (man comes out of the john tells everybody DON'T GO IN THERE).... Great, now we're down to just one john and I'm 5th in line.. Well I 'm glad I got back in line cause now I got to go!... Finally, thank you.

5:45 am-(I find out the starting line is a half a mile away)... What, a half a mile?... this is great, just great. (I'm with the rest of the small bladder people making their way to the starting line)... Man this is a long walk... Oh there it is...what are those guys doing?..... They are facing the bushes... Oh, come on guys couldn't wait in line with the rest of us... Okay where is corral H?... I can't find corral H!.... It's 10 min. till the start and I can't find corral H...... This says corral C, now I know c is before h why is c all the way in the back?.... AND I CAN'T FIND CORRAL H!... Well I guess I'll start in CORRAL C!.... Now I've only got about 5 min. to get loose, let me run around a little bit...... got plenty of room to run... there is nobody behind corral C.... This is just great there is 15,999 people in front of me or what ever the number is.....

(2 min. till race time, star spangled banner has just been played.) Okay I'm last but I'm here, just settle down, it will be fine.... look at that guy, I can take him.... o.k, boy this is what it's all about.... (the fireworks go off and the race starts)... Why aren't we moving.... Any time now..... Shouldn't we be moving ..... I can't believe this.... I think I see people starting to move...Yes, yes.... I'm walking.... Still walking..... still walking... Don't forget to start your watch when you cross the start line... (I look at my watch on my right wrist, I started it when the race officially started. It's also my heart rate monitor I use it to gauge how fast I'm running. The other watch I use for my time splits)... Why are we still WALKING!.... Time to turn the ipod on.... Hey starting to jog..... Jogging a little faster....... There is the starting line..... And I'm off.....


MILE 1- Man I'm no where near my pace... I'm trapped..... get out of the way..... move..... I need to find the four hour pace team.... They said they would be running with a red balloon with the pace number on it....... Why is this guy walking?.... not even 1 mile into it and your walking...... move... I can't go anywhere... I'm going to try to slip between them.... Now try the side of the road.... o.k thats a little better.... Slow people coming up, plan your move.... And now..... I'm going to have to get used to this.... Where is the mile marker?.... Did I pass it?.... If I'm on pace it should be here.... O.K you've ran for nine and a half min. and no mile marker.... WHERE IS THE MILE MARKER!?.... I think I passed it.....

MILE 2- I think, I have no idea what pace I'm on.... water stop?... it's a little early for water..... I don't need no stinking water...Hey what's that I see?..... It's a balloon... the pace balloon..... let me get closer so I can read it.... boy this would be great, I've wormed my way up to find my.. WHAT? 5 hour pace team... unbelievable I'm on a 5 hour pace.... gear it up boy.. I still can't find the mile marker, I still might be on mile 1.... move out of the way..... Ladies if you want to talk go over to the bench and have a nice sit-down, I'm trying to run a marathon here.... heart rate says I should be on pace..... Calm down you've still got..... I don't how many miles are left I can't find the MILE MARKER!....I think I passed it......

MILE 3- I think. I know I'm going slower than I need to be.... Look at these guys relieving themselves, what are we animals?... Hey! we're merging with other runners... I bet they were in corral H... I've been running for a half an hour and I don't know what mile I'm on...... go over to the side.... watch it ..... move.... I'm in the middle, you idiot don't go to the middle, stay on the outside, you know better.... I'm SUCH AN IDIOT.... O.K don't do that again... I've got to be coming up on mile 4......(I forgot I did ask a worker what mile was coming up as I ran by him) What mile is coming up?..... He said two... TWO? No way! then somebody yelled four!

MILE 4- Finally a mile marker..... let me look at my pace band.... 2 min. off pace..... Not bad considering the start, plenty of time to make it up.... Starting to get a little hot.....Knee feeling a little stiff... Move.... Work your way to the other side.... What's this guy have on?... Plaid pants?... why would you run a marathon in plaid bermuda shorts down to your knees?.... Need water...... O.k powerade ... Man thats warm....

MILE 5- Still 2 min. off pace.....Knee feeling better..... here comes the first hill.... some of these guys look in bad shape already... Didn't they train....I can hear them now, Hey honey look Disney is having a marathon why don't we sign up and run it together, It'll be fun.... they have know idea.... let me check my heart rate... What... 7:77:77... Great, just great, my heart rate monitor has froze up..... You got to be kidding me.... this is the 3rd time this has happened.... I am never buying a Polar heart rate monitor again.... I hate Polar...

MILE 6- Still 2 min. off..... I need to bump it up a little.... little more room to run... What are you doing buddy?.... I see you in the Jeff Galloway.com t-shirt.... I'm not your personal pacer... give me some space.... Maybe I can pull off one of my earphones and we can listen together.... I'm out of here, see you at the finish line, sucker....

MILE 7- About 45 sec. off pace... Need water and eat some sports beans.... Get the beans ready.... hurry chew them up ... here's the water stop... Gulp. Gulp.. Gulp... That feels better... Hey I think I know that guy.... Yeah, thats him.... Maybe not... Yes it is... Should I say something.... nah.. Well maybe I will... Let me pull up right next to him.... Huffing, you ah run track out at Riverview?...Yeah.... I thought I saw you out there... (Long awkward pause) This guy thinks I want to run with him... What would you think, If some guy came up to you.... Better move away... Huffing, see ya later... Yeah, good luck.. Good luck to you to.... I need to get some new music for my ipod.... hate this song... thats better... Now I can groove on down the highway... Little foggy, should be able to see the Disney entrance pretty soon... What's my heart rate?... I dunno because my watch is frozen.... on 7:77:77... I hate this watch!...

MILE 8- About 30 sec. off pace... think I'll try to run on the grass for a while.... Take your mind off running.... you don't have to go to the bathroom... not now.... Think I'll wait a while... water is coming up get your gue ready...Hey what's that, another balloon?... Ha, ha.... I caught it.... I caught the... WHAT!... the 4 hour and 30 min. pace team.... O.k., it is my quest to catch the 4 hour pace team.... next balloon I see will be it.... how do they run with that balloon on a stick for 4 hours and 30 min..... Water stop... Gimme, gimme..Ah.. thats good....gue with caffeine always does the trick.... My toe is starting to hurt... Yep that blood blister is coming back....

MILE 9 Still about 30 sec. off pace...Man it's hot... My shoes are soaked... I can feel them squish... Oh look at that guy.. he's limping bad... feel sorry for you buddy... hang in there.... pay no attention to the toe... or the bladder.... All is fine...Just out for a morning run... No different... just that you never ran 26.2 miles before.... Shut-up....

MILE 10-About 40 sec. off pace.... Hey I going to Disney World.... look at all the people here cheering... What would make people get out of bed at 7:30 to come cheer.... Well I guess I'll enjoy it... I'm a rock star... That lady said way to go Ron... How did she know my name... I am a rock star!... you idiot your name is on your bib... Oh yeah.... Oh look, all these runners brought cameras... They're stopping to have their picture taken with Mickey.... Why would somebody do that?.... Hey, watch it buddy... What are you doing? (crash)... I just ran into that guy... Unbelievable... He came running across and stopped right in front of me... Why?.. to have his picture taken with Goofy.... Park opens at 9:00, mouse out front should have told ya...If you want your picture taken with a character come back when we aren't running MARATHONS!... Now I get to run through Cinderella Castle... Oh no, they just took my official picture... Hope I didn't have a throw up face.... Boy it's hot... now where are we going... sign says "For cast members only"... Maybe I'll see Mickey with his head off smoking a cigarette... Or Donald Duck with his pants off.... You idiot, Donald Duck doesn't wear pants... Time for water and some Powerade.. Thank you..

MILE 11- Still 40 sec. off pace...Oh I never gonna give you up, cause quitting you baby just ain't my.... I love Berry White...Do I stop to go to the bathroom?... Not yet... I still fell pretty good... Pretty.. pretty.. good... who am I kidding I'm falling apart... Wait... what's that... a balloon finally... from the back of the pack... I crawled up dodging in and out of traffic.. and the pace balloon the one I vowed to find is right there... closer, a little bit closer... WHAT... The 4 hour and 15 min. pace team?... O.k...O.k.. Collect yourself... you can still get there... you're not half way done, you can still find it.....

MILE 12- Think I'm on pace... Things are getting a little fuzzy... Need water.... Why do they have water every ten feet in the beginning and none now... Is a pain in your left arm normal?... kinda tingling to my fingers... well at least I'll make the news...runron dropped dead today in Disney Marathon it happens every year, back to you Cindy... Yeah I'll be the guy... Ah water... O.k things to forget, Toe... Knee... Tingling in fingers,... Bladder... I'm good... good to go... Women put tattoo's in the strangest places... Starting to see a lot of people walking... And they are younger than you... I'm superman...Shut-up...

MILE 13- half way home... and I'm right on pace baby.... Just hold it here and I'm home free... Man is it hot... I'm dying... Knee starting to hurt bad ... Alright, Van Halen Mean Street... Haven't heard that in a while... That'll get me going... Rock on baby...Water and gue coming up... Thank you... this is not so bad.... just a little run... you keep thinking that, but I know a different story... Don't start, go away... the wheels are starting to come off... I said GO AWAY...

MILE 14- Getting off pace... What are you doing?... you hit 13 miles on pace..This is where you said we would run negative splits... Lay off me alright! Can't you see I'm struggling here... It's just that..what?... Well you know the 4 hour thing... look, talk to me at 20 miles we'll see... Why is it so hot in January... I bought hand warmers.... Look at that lady running, the water hose to her back pack is hanging down behind her... I bet I could run up and take a drink and she would never know.... See you still have a sense of humor... What's that smell... Oh this is nice we're running through the Disney sewage treatment plant... Come to Disney and leave something behind... I'm starting to feel goofy... Hey, where is that guy that ran into me, we can have our picture taken together... here comes a water stop... And pour in down the back... Ah, nice...

MILE 15- Don't know pace... Don't care pace... Foot cramp!..Foot cramp!.. Slow down foot cramp... What is wrong with you... You've ran 15 miles before.... Not in this heat... You baby... O.k cramp is gone... Pick up pace... Foot cramp!!... Just run, don't think about your FOOT CRAMP!.... (after about 2:00 min. of this the cramp goes away)... Runners are dropping like flies... Oh, look, they are handing out bananas... I want a banana... banana good.... Now some water... Thank you.....

MILE 16- Don't ask about pace... Looks like we are running into Animal Kingdom... This is nice, running in the shade... Still hot, but no sun... Uh Oh... There is a guy on a stretcher.... Two paramedics standing over him.... Oh, boy... focus... Pay no attention to the guy on the stretcher.... Every little hill is killing my thighs... But going down them is worse...Ouch.. This park reminds me of Busch Gardens... You know I think you're only 2 min. off your pace... you again.... Well I'm just saying... Look it's no longer about the 4 hours anymore, it's about surviving... And these thighs are killing me...

MILE 17- Pace?.. Forget it... Alright this is what separates the men from the boys... Why is my left arm killing me?... Shake-'em out... I can't... Don't panic... Think happy thoughts... My shoes are soggy... I know I have a blister on a blister... I said think happy thoughts... I'm in my spa, having a nice soak... Speaking of soak... My shoes are soggy... You're driving me crazy!... Water coming up, get gue ready... Thank you...

MILE 18- Don't know pace... Aright pull yourself together... Put your sunglasses on... And just run... This heat is unbelievable... What was Disney thinking?... What was I thinking?... Good, here comes another water stop... hey, what's that guy handing out... A sponge?... An ice cold water filled sponge... Yes, gimme, gimme, gimme... Thanks man... Ah, sweet relief... That did the trick.... Look at that lady running... Her knees are knocking... I can't believe she's ran 18 miles with her knees knocking, literally knocking together... thats got to hurt... And she is ahead of you... Was ahead of you... So long bird legs... Hey, I'll take any victory right now...

MILE 19- Pace?.. Right... Come on boy... Can I say one thing?... Go ahead... you really don't look as bad as some of these other runners... I'm listening... Well you're still passing more people... Yeah, so?.... So your doing fine, don't be such a drama queen.... I'm not being a drama queen, let's do a body check shall we?, and don't interrupt... Start at the bottom and work my way up... Toe, killing me... Bottom of left foot, killing me... Both knees, killing me... Thighs, killing me... Left arm, killing me... Back, killing me... Shoulders, killing me.... Now what do you say about that?!.... Look, you're not going down the crapper... You said crapper which reminds me, my bladder, is killing me... All this time we've been arguing and look we're at mile 20...

MILE 20- 3 min. off pace... If this ain't the wall, I don't want to be around when I hit it... Looks like we run down a long straight away, then turn around and head back so you can see all the other runners behind you... Need water.... How long before I turn around... I'm going to walk through this water stop... Just walk a little bit... man, It's been over 3 hour since I walked... O.k let's go... Ouch, ouch, ouch.... It hurts to get going... There's the turn around... And look at all the people I'm ahead of... losers.... Feel pretty good about yourself do ya?.... Well I am on the 20th mile of a marathon... And you know what they say about the 20th mile?.. Oh the wall?... No, you rookies always think the wall. The 20th mile of a marathon is the half way point you moron. Everything you've felt up till now, double it.... And look what I see coming your way, about a quarter mile behind you, the 4:15 pace balloon, it's going to catch you... I want to go home...

MILE 21- 4 maybe 5 min. off pace.... Hey marathon boy... what?... You happy now?... Bout what?... This was all your idea, weren't happy with a 5 or 10k race, no. You wanted a big boy race... you said, I can run a marathon, no big deal... So this is the part of the race where you said I told you so?... I just want to know, is this what you thought it would be?... No, yes, I don't know, leave me alone... Don't listen to him Ron, you're doing great, just 5 more miles, you can do 5 more... Yeah you're right just a 5 mile run I do that all the time... not after running 21... shut up... Water break... And I'm walking through this one to.... Walk a little longer... little longer... Hey you passed the water stop, time to start running... just a little longer... O.k, o.k... Ouch, ouch I hate to get going again...

MILE 22- Pace is down to a crawl... legs feel heavy, like not moving.... I know I'm running because I'm passing people...But I can't really feel myself running... This is weird... We're running into MGM Studios... just stay alive... keep it going... Water stop.. No... they're handing out candy... I love candy.... Thank you... what did she give me?...Butterfinger... I love Butterfingers... Butterfinger good...Where's the water... I can't believe they would give me candy with no water... Oh, there it is... Hey, what else is up there?... It's one of those misters, beautiful, look at that cool mist falling down... I'm going to run up there and just take it all in and gently walk through it.... Hey, buddy what are you doing... No... DON'T... Not there... Not now... Too late... And I see you had the Butterfinger to... just when I was going to enjoy a cool mist, some guy threw-up on it... Didn't want that kind of mist.... Thanks...

MILE 23- Pace falling fast... Just focus... Keep head down.. And run... I don't even know what songs have been playing on my Ipod... fuzzy... things are fuzzy..... I smell hamburgers... Is that a sign?... Right before you die, you smell hamburgers?... cause I'm dying... And I'm dying hungry... Thats it, think about food... You're not running, you're eating... A big hamburger... Who am I kidding?... this is the worst mile of them all... Water stop, but no hamburgers...

MILE 24- You're not going to let Oprah beat you... She ran a 4:29 marathon.... get your feet moving... Let's go man... Running around some lake... lot of people cheering.... That helps.... That's it, see that guy up there... Make it your goal to pass him... just look at him and focus... Feel pretty good... It's working... Yeah Oprah not beating me... Some guy just said looking good... not much longer... I'm going to do this... I'm going to finish a marathon... I think....

MILE 25- The last mile.... Well then the point 2... But I'm on the last mile... Call Ella, said I would call at mile 25... This will be fun talking while running... O.k It's Ringing... Ringing.... Ringing... Ringing... What, voice mail... I've just ran 25 miles and voice mail?... Well looking at my watch, I've been running for 4 hours and 5 min. she is probably looking for me at the finish line, and can't hear her phone... I'll leave a message... This will sound funny when I play it back..... I stumble out something like this... Hey I'm at mile 25, I'm dying, look for me in 10 or 11 min.... Some lady says almost there.... Ok, this is it, get ready... when I reach mile 26 I'm going to give it a last sprint to the finish... And don't forget they take your picture when you cross the line.. Look good like you were just out for a little run... It's better to look good then to feel good.... I see the 26 mile marker... Here it comes... Ready to sprint ... One last turn... GO... OUCH, OUCH.. my leg.. My leg just cramped up... I can't move... From my calf to the top of my hamstring... Walking...limping... Why did you want to sprint?... You idiot... Got to run... just around the curve is the line, I hear the crowd yelling... O.k I can run now... I see the finish line... remember look good for the picture... look good for the picture... there's the line.... It's over.... It's over!


If you ask me would I do it again at that moment, the answer would have been "no way!"... But 2 days later and the answer is yes... To be continued.